It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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