How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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