We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
