i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
