I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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