Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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