I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Randomize
