Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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