I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
this boner is exhausting
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
