i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
