Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
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