if you like me you must not know who I am
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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