how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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