come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
