Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
