you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
