You're my little dorito
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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