some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i dont even know how to be here
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
