The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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