so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
