do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
