Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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