Im at strip club and am horny
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
