so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
