Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
no, he came in my armpit
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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