im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
