WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Randomize
