I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
