Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
