oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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