Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
