singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
