Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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