i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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