i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
