i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
