the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
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