loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
