we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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