im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
