Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(305): View more from Florida

If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

He's only a little bit crosseyed.

(484): View more from Pennsylvania

I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.

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(778): View more from British Columbia

Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.

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(727): View more from Florida

My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.

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(971): View more from Oregon

Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.

Fav 6 2466 2003
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(773): View more from Illinois

i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day

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(704): View more from North Carolina

It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.

Fav 5 158 106
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(630): View more from Illinois

Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON

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