Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
