My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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