problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
