haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
