Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
