my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
