pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
