So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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