i don't like sucking hair
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
